im having a threesome with these popsicles
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
