is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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