Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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