I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
