after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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