I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
