when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize