bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
