Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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