he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
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My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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