I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
