I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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