Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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