Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
