Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
