i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
