If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
