He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
