Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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