i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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