Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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