you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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