You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
