yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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