He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
