His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
