My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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