I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
