my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
