this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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