im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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