as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
