So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
