I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
