Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I hate all girls vehemently.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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