also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
