soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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