omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
