Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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