am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
