The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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