So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im holly from the hills drunk
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
