hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
