Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she told me i tasted like america
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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