his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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