I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
