Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
