I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
