I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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