perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
