why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
