i would punch a child for taco bell
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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