i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
