Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
