The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
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I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
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Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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