Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
