my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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