well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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