he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
