I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Randomize
