Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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