Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
