I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
