he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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