oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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