Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
