Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
