can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
whose parrot is this?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
