Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
