Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
