it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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