The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
