We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
