I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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