I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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