pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
