we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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