I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
