is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Randomize
