the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
