What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
