Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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