Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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