The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
