Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
