This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
